"Guess Who's Coming to Dinner?"

Apr.3/05 Luke 24:13-35

At Cross-Purposes

A stranger was walking down a residential street and noticed a man struggling with a washing machine at the doorway of his house. When the newcomer volunteered to help, the homeowner was overjoyed, and the two men began together to work and struggle with the bulky appliance. After several minutes of fruitless effort the two stopped and just stared at each other in frustration. They looked as if they were on the verge of total exhaustion. Finally, when they had caught their breath, the first man said to the homeowner: "We'll never get this washing machine in there!" To which the homeowner replied: "In? I'm trying to move it out of here!"

      A little communication can go a long way. Sometimes in our homes, in our relationships with friends, or even in the church, we're like those two men struggling with the appliance: we're stuck, not going anywhere, because we haven't connected. Perhaps we haven't shared openly, or we haven't listened to what the other person had to say. Today in the story of the two disciples on the road to Emmaus, we see how Jesus listens, communicates, and gives new joy and direction as He connects with two disciples He cares about.

Loving People...Find Excuses to Get Together

One reason people don't connect is they don't bother to get together, to actually BE together. In v15, as Cleopas and friend walked along talking about all that had happened in Jerusalem around the time of Christ's death, "Jesus Himself came up and walked along with them" - though they were kept from recognizing Him. I'm sure Jesus could have thought of a million other things to do the day He'd just been resurrected, but He cared about these two followers and came alongside them in His glorified, disguisable body. He got together with them.

      Later on in v28, upon arriving at their destination, "Jesus acted as if He were going farther.But they urged Him strongly, 'Stay with us, for it is nearly evening; the day is almost over.' So He went in to stay with them." Wouldn't it have been a shame if they'd just let Him go on His way? They never would have found out who the mysterious stranger was. But genuine Christian hospitality prevailed.

      Finally, after they recognize Jesus and He disappears, in v33 "They got up and returned at once to Jerusalem.There they found the Eleven and those with them, assembled together..." The Jerusalem group had their own exciting news to share, and were joined by Cleopas and friend. So our fellowship in the Lord draws us as Christians together to share the difference He's been making in our lives -- at church but also outside church. Love motivates us to find excuses to get together and share what's going on.

      In our recent Natural Church Development survey, "Loving Relationships" ranked as the quality characteristic most in need of improvement. One question used to score that was: "How much time do you spend per week (excluding formal church meetings and activities) with friends from church?" Our 29 respondents averaged less than an hour each week. Another question was, "How often have you invited church members (not relatives) for dinner or coffee during the past two months?" - average answer, once. Also, "How often have you BEEN invited by church members for dinner or coffee during the past two months?" Answer - between 'not at all' and one time.

      Our elders have suggested one way to address this would be to have a progressive supper; or organize dinners together through a sign-up sheet and "Guess who's coming to dinner" swap approach. But that's bordering on making it a formal church activity. Best way is just to invite someone over for a coffee or to share a casserole you've tucked away on purpose. It's not the menu that matters - doesn't have to be fancy, soup & sandwiches or Kraft dinner will do; it's the memory you'll create of being together and sharing life that matters.

      The New Testament mentions several ways we can be involved in "one anothering" which involve finding ways to get together and be involved in each other's lives. Rom 12(10) says, "Love one another with mutual affection. Honour one another above yourselves." Eph 4(2,32): "Bear with one another in love; forgive one another." Gal 6(2): "Carry each other's burdens." [can't do that long-distance!] Eph 5(21): "Submit to one another." Here are some others: "Teach and admonish one another...Encourage one another and build each other up...Consider how to spur one another on toward love and good deeds...Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so you may be healed." (Col 3:16; 1Thess 5:11; Heb 10:24; Jas 5:16)

      It's in finding excuses to get together, as Jesus came alongside the two travellers, that we really make contact and get to share life as Christ's people.

Loving People...are Good Listeners

An essential part of connecting is being attentive and listening to what the other person has to say. When Jesus came up and joined them, He didn't launch into a proclamation about the miracle of His resurrection, though He had every right to. Instead He first gave them an opportunity to express where they were at, emotionally, and overall. We each have a story; part of being a friend involves tuning in to where a person is at in their own individual story at that moment. V17, "He asked them, 'What are you discussing together as you walk along?" Again in v19, Jesus actually 'plays dumb' like Colombo in order to draw out of them exactly what they mean - although He was very well aware of what had happened the past few days. He knows the hearts of everyone; John 2(25) says "He knew what was in a man." But He listened patiently while they explained just what was troubling them.

      An NCD question that relates to this asks to what extent it's true that "In our church it is possible to talk with other people about feelings and problems." In order for that to be true, there have to be people who can listen and empathize, people who make themselves available to hear what's going on inside you.

      Too often, listening suffers because we're more intent on what WE'RE going to say next than on what the other person is saying now. We're not paying attention because we're thinking up a reply, or we're impatient and cut off what the other person's saying by starting to talk ourselves. William Rotsler talks about what he terms 'conversational sideswiping.' He says, "In conversation, there are people who overrun your sentences the way they'd speed up to go through a yellow light, crowding you off the roads, sideswiping your point to rush on to the parking lot of their thoughts."

      David Schwartz observes, "Big people monopolize the listening. Small people monopolize the talking."

      Sometimes real listening means we don't answer right away; we have to think about what's been said for a while. A new commander was sent to an army fort on the frontier. He soon was involved in a conference with an important native chief. Working through a translator, he nervously asked the chief a number of questions and was surprised to get no reply. After the meeting, he asked the translator why he'd received no response. The translator replied, "That's what we call Indian time. He has enough respect for your questions to go away and think about them before answering them."

      Loving people take time to listen rather than interrupting or jumping ahead.

Loving People...are Open & Honest without Fear of Rejection

This meeting on the road to Emmaus is a real encounter, because Jesus not only hears their deepest trouble, He doesn't hold back Himself but shares what they most need to hear, even if it challenges them. Both parties are open and honest with each other.

      It begins back in v14 when the two by themselves "were talking...and discussed...with each other" all that had been happening. When Jesus joins them and asks what they're discussing, v17 says, "They stood still, their faces downcast." You can just about picture them standing there, discouraged and forlorn, hopes dashed and looks fallen - perhaps on the verge of tears. The crucifixion of the person they thought was the Messiah was a real setback for them. In vv19-24 they spill the whole nine yards, putting their grief into words: Jesus' miracles, betrayal, crucifixion, even the added discouragement of the empty tomb. They didn't hold anything back.

      Now look in v25 at Jesus' forthright response: "How foolish you are, and how slow of heart to believe all that the prophets have spoken! Did not the Christ HAVE to suffer these things and then enter His glory?" (rhetorical question) He chides them for their unbelief, then proceeds to launch into an incredible sermon that surveyed foreshadowings of His self-sacrifice in the Old Testament, from Genesis right through to Malachi.

      Love for each other means we find time to get together. Love means we listen to each other, plumbing what's on the person's heart, empathizing and caring. But love also means we confront and correct and challenge when that's what's needed and we're the appropriate person to 'get in their face'. This privilege presumes a bond that's been built by investing ourselves in the life of the other person by sincere commitment and affection over an extended period of time. This investment lays a groundwork that helps the other person not to reject us for the challenge we speak, but to hear it, accept it, and make adjustments.

      Coming back to the NCD survey, there are a couple questions that relate to this area. One question that scored particularly low was this: "I find it easy to tell other Christians about my feelings." Now part of that may be our own hang-ups and shyness; but part of it too may be we're not able to fully trust others in our fellowship to be loving and show discretion in light of what we tell them. Perhaps we're afraid our most sensitive feelings will be pooh-poohed or brushed off as insignificant. Obviously, this area of expressing our feelings to other believers needs practice.

      The other question says, "when someone in the church has a different opinion from me, I prefer to be silent rather than endanger peace" (this is phrased in such a way that a healthy would have a lot of people answer 'no'). In other words, in a healthy church, people feel enough freedom and security to speak up and express a different opinion rather than muzzling themselves to preserve the peace. As we continue to get to know each other by making time together and in small group interaction, our openness and honesty will grow; while we'll also hopefully develop tact and patience and understanding to deal with differences without damaging other's feelings. Jesus knew about how far He could push Cleopas and companion without causing them to react with bitterness or rejection. By His time with them and love for them, He'd earned the right to be heard, even when the truth had an edge to it.

      So we can learn to be open and honest, here are "12 Principles for Healthy Interpersonal Relationships" offered by church growth consultants Bob Logan and Tom Clegg:

1) Be your own person -- don't give up your uniqueness to blend in.Maintain healthy personal boundaries.2) Respect the other person's boundaries and needs.3) Assign priority time and emotional energy to the relationships you want to develop.4) Give and take -- both parties should receive from the relationship and give back to it.Find out what is meaningful for your friend, and do acts of kindness accordingly.5) Balance time spent together with time spent with others -- invite others into the relationship.6) Balance time spent alone with time spent with your friend -- give the other person and yourself personal space.7) Maintain open communication -- speak the truth in love; be honest, vulnerable and transparent in your communication.8) Cultivate trust and intimacy.9) Express feelings of appreciation and affection for your friend.10) Develop the art of active listening.11) Give perspective, ask questions, encourage and support, but don't make decisions for others or try to live their lives for them.12) Don't try and change other people -- accept them and focus on changing yourself.

Loving People...Discover the Wonder of the Living Lord's Presence as They Meet

When Jesus joined the disciples en route to Emmaus, it was quiet and unsensational, barely noticeable; He just kind of -- was there. But after they'd persuaded Him to join them for supper and got sitting down at the table, a miracle happened. V30, "He took bread, gave thanks, broke it and began to give it to them.Then their eyes were opened and they recognized Him, and He disappeared from their sight." The guest unexpectedly became the host. The familiar prayer of blessing, the breaking of the bread, and seeing the stranger pass it to others twigged something in the back of Cleopas' mind. The broken loaf rang a bell and suddenly snapped all the Old Testament promises the visitor had been quoting into focus. Like a lamp being lit and illuminating what had been hidden in the room by darkness, it made sense. Jesus had not come to be a political Messiah but to address a far deeper problem - people's alienation from God and each other by sin. Believing in God's Son releases a power and grace that lifts our life from selfishness and shame, and plugs us into the joy of knowing we're God's son or daughter, washed clean, experiencing His presence in us by His Spirit and the bond of kinship with other believers. In this impromptu communion, the two disciples experienced a mysterious fellowship that was to characterize the church from its earliest days in what became known as "the breaking of bread" and "agape feasts": when Christians meet in Jesus' name -- when we dare to be real with each other, not hiding behind masks but humble in Him -- we discover the wonder of the Living Lord's presence. As He pledged in Matthew 18(20), "For where two or three come together in my name, there am I with them."

      What does this wonder look like? It may be a look of excitement as someone shares a new job prospect that's come up, a common acknowledgment that God is being Jehovah-Jireh, our provider. It may be tears at the news a close loved one for the other person has just died. It's the skip in your heartbeat at receiving a little hand-written note of encouragement or appreciation. It may be a simple wordless hug. It may be an unspoken "amen" in our spirit while praying with another person for a particular pressing need. Through many ways, Christians make contact with their sisters and brothers in faith and sense Jesus' own aliveness above and beyond and through our own linkage.

      Two other NCD statements may relate to this. One is, "There is a lot of joy and laughter in our church." That scored highly at LWCF! Let's not allow any bitterness or hard feelings or unforgiveness to interfere with that joy. Another statement: "The atmosphere of our church is strongly influenced by praise and compliments." That didn't score so highly - we need to be more expressive of appreciation, and noticing the other person, without flattery. When Jesus took the bread He blessed it, and turned a common meal into a special blessing for those who invited Him. How can we pass on more of His blessing to others?

      Gary Smalley and John Trent in their book, The Blessing, share these five ways we can show love so others experience God's blessing through us.1) Give appropriate positive touch that communicates respect and love.2) Give verbal communication -- silence communicates the opposite of what people need to hear.3) Attach high value to a person through word pictures which communicate how that person is valuable and precious to you.4) Envision a positive future for them -- believing the best for them, seeing and calling out potential, gifts, etc.5) Help that person achieve that future through mentoring and encouragement.

      Loving people discover the wonder of the living Lord's presence as they meet; they share the blessing they have experienced in their personal lives with others who need to taste it, too.

Two Comforters - One Accompanies

Over the course of several years, the Joe Bayly family lost three of their children. In his book View from a Hearse, Joe Bayly shared his honest feelings when one of his children died. "I was sitting there torn by grief.Someone came and talked of God's dealings, of why it happened, of hope beyond the grave.He talked constantly.He said things I knew were true.I was unmoved, except to wish he'd go away.He finally did.

      "Another came and sat beside me.He didn't talk.He didn't ask me leading questions.He just sat beside me for an hour and more, listening when I said something, answered briefly, prayed simply, and left.I was moved.I was comforted.I hated to see him go."

      May the Lord help us to be those who aren't just there but who come alongside in a totally loving way as He did to two disciples who were stunned by grief. His genuine caring spurs us to care effectively for others, so they too may experience His healing and resurrection joy. Let's pray.