"Washing Away Barriers to Love"
Lk.7:36-50 Oct.24/04 NCD "Loving Relationships"
Seeing Others 'Get It'
Three years ago, according to William Willimon, USA Today reported that courtroom programs are among the most popular on television. TV programmers were rushing to get more court programs on their schedule. Why are these programs so popular? One expert said, "Couch potatoes love to see other people get judged.It's fun to see the judge give it to somebody."
Can we relate to that? Unfortunately we must admit that we derive some malicious pleasure from seeing other people receive judgment. The proud part of us is only too happy to sit in judgment on others, wanting to see them 'get it' for their shortcomings. More recently in the TV world, an alternative to courtroom verdicts is reality TV, in which each week another person gets voted off the island. But Jesus' style of love doesn't delight in sitting in judgment or rejecting someone, even if the other person is truly guilty. 1The Christian Church is called to model truly loving relationships where forgiveness, grace, and compassion take precedence over judgment and exclusion.
Love is what we're all about in the church -- loving the way our Master does. Queried about the Greatest Commandment, Jesus said, "‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment.And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’” (Matthew 22:37-39) On another occasion He told His followers, "A new command I give you: Love one another.As I have loved you, so you must love one another.By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another." (John 13:34f)
What is this kind of love? When we hear the word in romantic songs on the radio or in movies, it seems to be linked to hormones and sexual attraction. What would Jesus mean by "Loving Relationships"?
A forward I received this week told of a mother who was trying to get her two sons to be more loving toward each other. Kevin was 5 and Ryan was 3. One day their mother was making pancakes for them when the boys began to argue over who would get the first pancake. Their mother, seizing the teachable moment remarked, "If Jesus were sitting here, He would say, 'Let my brother have the first pancake, I can wait.'" Kevin turned to his younger brother and said, "Ryan, you be Jesus!"
One Anothering: the Biblical Key to Loving Relationships
Our Lord's command to love our neighbour AS OURSELF gets at the core of what's difficult about loving: that is, getting out of ourself, transcending our personal interests, learning to see things from the other person's point of view. This requires an attitudinal leap that doesn't come easily. Our fallen nature is bent on looking out for number one; it's unnatural for us in our sinful state to place ourselves in the other person's moccasins.
Throughout the New Testament are sprinkled less than a dozen commands about "One Anothering" that point us in the direction of what truly loving relationships are about. Here's a summary of them. Rom.12(10): Love one another with mutual affection. Honour one another above yourselves. Eph.4(2,32): Bear with one another in love; forgive one another. Gal.6(2): Carry each other's burdens. Eph.5(21): Submit to one another. Col.3(16): Teach and admonish one another (admonish = 'exhort, give advice, warn, inform, remind'). 1Thess.5(11): Encourage one another and build each other up. Heb.10(24): Consider how to spur one another on toward love and good deeds. And James 5(16): Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so you may be healed.
Robert Logan and Thomas Clegg are two church growth consultants who have written a resource to accompany Natural Church Development (NCD) materials they call Releasing Your Church's Potential. They comment, "Authentic relationships are characterized by: honesty, grace, forgiveness, transparency, intimacy, compassion, hospitality, laughter." Sometimes we fall short in those areas in our lives as individuals or in the life of the church. Today in Luke 7 we'll look at one incident in the life of Jesus that illustrates some of these aspects of "loving relationships".
Love in Action: Simon, the Seer, & the Sinner
V36 says one of the Pharisees, named Simon, "invited Jesus to have dinner with him." So far, so good. This is HOSPITALITY, something love does: you want to spend time with the other person. 1Pet.4:9 urges, "Offer hospitality to one another without grumbling." Christian Schwarz's NCD questionnaire asks "how much time members spend with one another outside of official church-sponsored events. How often do they invite one another over for meals or a cup of coffee?"
Jesus went to Simon's house and "reclined at the table". People of that time laid down on the floor or low couches to eat, propped up on their left elbow, with the table at the centre and their feet toward the outside.
V37 says a woman "who had lived a sinful life in that town" heard Jesus was there and brought a valuable gift. This woman who was locally renowned for her immoral encounters is not to be confused with Mary Magdalene, who had spirit-possession problems, or Mary of Bethany, Lazarus' sister, though they too anointed Jesus on other occasions. She must have met Jesus on a previous occasion and, in gratitude, brought "an alabaster jar of perfume". Alabaster is a stone from Egypt like marble but softer, which could be easily made into perfume containers with long thin necks that were broken off to reach the contents. This gift would be very expensive. That's another thing about loving relationships, there's GIVE and take, giving without expecting in return. In John 15(13) Jesus said, “Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends.” True love GIVES to the utmost, it's "laying-down-life love" - including what one values most, you're willing to give it up for the sake of the one you love.
In homes in Palestine at the time, the guest chamber where the dining took place opened toward the courtyard, and it wasn't unusual for visitors to enter and sit along the walls, and take part in the conversation. This woman of ill repute came and stood behind Jesus, where you'll recall His legs and feet stuck out away from the table. Overcome by feelings of gratitude, appreciation, and penitence, she began to cry. Her tears happened to fall on the Master's feet. She wiped them off with her hair, then kissed them; it was a sign of deep reverence to kiss the feet of a Rabbi of that day.
Loving relationships are marked by HONESTY and TRANSPARENCY. She wasn't pretending, hiding things in, or wearing a mask. She let her emotions out. Christians are to confess our sins to one another, and pray for one another, so we may be healed (Jas.5:16). That takes real openness, honesty, and trust. Obviously the woman felt that connection with Jesus.
The woman would have had to stoop down to wipe Jesus' feet with her hair. Love SERVES the other person, seeking to meet genuine needs, without expecting thanks. Peter wrote, “Each one should use whatever gift he has received to serve others, faithfully administering God’s grace in its various forms.” (1 Peter 4:10)
Next the woman kept kissing Jesus' feet as a sign of affection and honour. Rom.12(10) says we're to love each other with mutual affection, and to "honour one another above yourselves." How quick are we to express affection and appreciation to each other? The NCD survey tool asks, "How generous is the church in doling out compliments?" Let's not be reluctant to voice well-deserved praise, or acknowledge the contributions and talents of others.
V39 says, “When the Pharisee who had invited him saw this, he said to himself, "If this man were a prophet, he would know who is touching him and what kind of woman she is— that she is a sinner."” In other words, he's thinking, "Jesus doesn't see like a seer: otherwise he'd know her checkered history and not let her touch him." Yet Jesus was letting her wipe, kiss, and anoint His feet. He wasn't distancing Himself from this figure with ruined reputation.
This aspect of love relates to CARRYING EACH OTHER'S BURDENS. Gal.6(2) says, "“Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.” That sounds pretty important! This boils down to supporting one another, helping out in a practical way, getting under the load together whether that be some material need or a spiritual burden. Even at the risk of being misunderstood or classed with the outcasts. Jesus let the sinful woman make physical contact with His feet and this scandalized the religious folks - remember it was a big thing not to become "ceremonially unclean". But Jesus dared to associate with her, He even became identified with her through this episode.
Our Lord did not recoil from her touch, but showed another angle of love: COMPASSION and GRACE. The fact her life had been a moral flop did not put Him off. He sensed her genuine repentance, her contrition, her heart's abhorrence of her past sin and commitment to a fresh start. In short, He cut her some slack, and had mercy on her.
Simon the Pharisee at this point didn't think Jesus could be much of a prophet, but Christ's next statements show He saw much more than Simon thought He could. V40 begins, "Jesus answered him..." Answered who? Simon; what had he been saying? Previous verse - he'd been talking to himself. As it turns out, Jesus knew not only about the woman with the bad reputation, he even knew Simon's innermost thoughts. This Seer was the real McCoy, knowing a person's inner unspoken secrets (Jn.2:25).
Jesus said, "Simon, I have something to tell you." Simon replied, "Tell me, Teacher." That's SUBMITTING to one another: being receptive to another person's advice or leadership (Eph.5:21).
Jesus proceeded to tell a straightforward parable about a moneylender who canceled the debts of two men, one of whom owed ten times as much as the other. He asked, "Now which of them will love him more?" Simon replied [perhaps a little impatiently, thinking this is a no-brainer], "I suppose the one who had the bigger debt canceled." Jesus commented, "You have judged correctly" (7:42f): perhaps subtly noting that "judging" was something Simon liked to do, especially when it came to others more obviously sinful than himself.
The point of the parable is FORGIVENESS - another key element of loving relationships. Rom.5:8 says, “But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” God's love for us isn't anchored just in fuzzy emotions or fluctuating hormones but costly forgiveness and grace; grace that involved the Father's own grief over the sacrifice of His dear Son, so our sins could be atoned for. God's love for us and consequent forgiveness of our sin is the engine, the motor that empowers our forgiveness of other Christians for their shortfalls. Col.3(13) commands, “Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another.Forgive as the Lord forgave you.”
We have absolutely no right to hold anything against, or put down for their faults, another brother or sister in Christ. Otherwise we're right back in the trap of the unmerciful servant in Jesus' parable who was forgiven so much but promptly threw his fellow-servant in the clink over a few dollars (Mt.18:21-35). The logic of forgiveness for ourselves in the Lord's Prayer only works if we've given everybody else a clean slate (Mt.6:14f). That takes grace -- cutting other people slack, not judging them. So unlock them from those imaginary stocks in your heart. Set them free. Pay the emotional price yourself if there is one, and be done with it; for Christ paid totally for you. If we really want to love someone, we can't be holding a grudge against them.
V44 says Jesus turned toward the woman and asked Simon, "Do you see this woman?" There's a basic question in loving: do we actually see the other person with their needs and gifts and potential and uniqueness as God's special creation, or have we summarily disposed of them and gone on with our own agenda? Jesus' question takes Simon by the scruff of the neck and turns his head to actually behold the visitor, to whom Simon's prejudice has blinded him. Love requires INTIMACY, awareness and attentiveness toward the other person. Becoming more conscious of them than ourselves. Facing, connecting, being totally there for them with all your faculties - not talking on the phone on a call you don't really want and secretly continuing your solitaire game on the computer at the same time. Intimacy says, "I see you; I'm here for you. Absolutely, 100%. You have my full attention."
The Teacher Simon despised just a moment before proceeds to zing by at 90 miles an hour three fastballs that strike him out as far as any moral superiority is concerned. "Water - you gave me not a drop for my feet, but she's washed my feet like any respectable host would have his servants do. Kiss - none from you as a sign of welcome when I entered, but she can't stop kissing my feet. Oil - thoughtful hosts offer perfume for their guests' heads, but that was the furthest thought from your mind; yet she's emptied her Chanel#5 on my feet. [as if to say] Who's making me feel most welcome here, Simon? Who's the real host?" At this point, if I were Superior Simon, I'd be looking for a toadstool to go hide under!
Loving relationships involve CONFRONTATION, HONESTY, and rebuke. We need true friends to hold us accountable and helpfully draw our attention to our flaws from time to time. How else are we going to grow? Simon needed a counsellor to tactfully raise the issue of his pride and prejudice; to help him see things - and real people - another way. Good relationships between individuals or in small groups don't avoid healthy conflict. People are different; we won't appreciate each other's uniqueness or learn from one another if we shove all difference of opinion under the carpet.
Jesus went on to affirm that the woman's many sins had been forgiven, hence she displayed much love. But those who are forgiven little, love little (v47). Note how inseparably love and forgiveness are linked. If our fellowship becomes a little frayed, if coldness starts to creep into the congregation, we need to cast overboard any grudges or bitterness, forgive fully and embrace each other anew around the cross. Judgment - or resentment - sling love in the deep freeze. Leave judging up to the officers God appoints, and who will give account to Him for their government (Jas.3:1; 1Pet.5:2-4).
At this point Jesus turns His attention to the woman and says, "Your sins are forgiven." Love ENCOURAGES and builds up the other person (1Th.5:11). He's affirming her and assuring her it's all been taken care of. There's also confidentiality - Jesus doesn't go into the whole nine yards of what exactly her sins were, although He could have. Love knows how much to say, and what not to say, thus preserving the trust of the other person.
Jesus' assertion causes a debate amongst the other guests; they question who this man is that thanks He can forgive sins. But Jesus' focus is still on the woman - that's intimacy, giving her His total attention, not interrupted by others' criticism. He spurs her on by saying, "Your faith has saved you; go in peace." (Heb.10:24)
Lighten Up the Legalism
Loving relationships put us at ease, knowing we're appreciated and accepted, despite our mess-ups. Grace cuts us slack so we can breathe easier, lighten up, enjoy life and praise God for His mercy. We're no longer on patrol like Simon looking for others to criticize. Instead we may even be free enough to poke a little fun at ourselves.
One of the questions NCD asks is, "How much laughter is there in the church?" Are you surprised that laughter has a strong correlation with church growth? It's another indicator there's love happening within. So I'll close today on a lighter note. We need to learn to laugh more at the judgmental, legalistic 'Simon' side of us.
Chuck Swindoll tells about a fellow who attended a legalistic college where the rules were very strict. For example, they weren't supposed to do any work on Sundays. Well, this fellow spied on his wife and caught her hanging out a few articles of clothing she washed on Sunday afternoon. Guess what? The guy turned his wife in to the authorities! Swindoll adds, "I'll bet she was fun to live with the next day or two."
Donald Barnhouse writes:
Around 1928, I led a Bible conference at Montrose, Pennsylvania, for about 200 young people and a few older people. One day two old ladies complained that some of the girls were not wearing stockings. These ladies wanted me to rebuke them. Looking them straight in the eye, I said, "The Virgin Mary never wore stockings." They gasped and said, "She didn't?" I answered, "In Mary's time, stockings were unknown. So far as we know, they were first worn by prostitutes in Italy in the 15th century, when the Renaissance began. Later, a lady of the nobility scandalized the people by wearing stockings at a court ball. Before long everyone in the upper classes was wearing stockings, and by Queen Victoria's time stockings had become the badge of the prude." These ladies, who were hold-overs from the Victorian epoch, had no more to say. I did not rebuke the girls for not wearing stockings. A year or two afterward, most girls in the United States were going without stockings in summer and nobody thought anything about it.
Barnhouse concludes: "Nor do I believe that this led toward disintegration of moral standards in the United States..."
Praise God for His amazing love for us - a love that equips us to honour, forgive, teach, enjoy intimacy with, and serve one another. We have been forgiven much - so let us love much, and overlook the faults of others more. Let's pray.