"Kids & Kindling"

Sept.21/03 Dedication of Sam Sparling

Genesis 22:1-18; Mark 10:13-16

Child-rearing a Challenge for Young & Old

Raising children can be a challenge -- not just for parents, but also for kids, who have to endure mom's and dad's experiments in discipline and reward without being either negligent or over-controlling. But it's widely recognized that we all as youngsters needed training and guidance to develop character and maturity. Who do you suppose said this: "Children today are tyrants.They contradict their parents, gobble their food, and tyrannize their teachers"? It was Socrates (d.399 BC). Or who voiced this opinion: "A boy is, of all wild beasts, the most difficult to manage"? That's from Plato (d.347 BC). Down through the centuries parents and kids have struggled to find the best way to raise families. Some parents fall into the trap of being over-protective, lax in discipline, producing spoiled brats. Others trying to avoid that are super-controlling, too strict, micro-managing their kids' conduct long after the youngsters should have been allowed more freedom. Still a third class throw up their hands, give up active parenting, and withdraw or become neglectful.

             Society certainly suffers the effects if the parent-child relationship is handled badly. The Houston Police Department has published "12 Rules for Raising Delinquent Children":

1) Begin with infancy by giving the child everything he wants; in this way, he will believe the world owes him a living.

2) When he picks up that vulgar word, laugh at him; this will make him think he's cute.

3) Never give him spiritual training. Wait until he is 21 and then let him decide for himself.

4) Always avoid the use of the word 'wrong'. It may develop a guilt complex. This will condition him to believe later, when he's arrested, that society is against him and he's being persecuted.

5) Pick up everything he leaves around the house. Do everything for him so that he will be experienced in throwing all responsibility upon others.

6) Let him read any printed matter he gets his hands on. Be careful that the silverware and drinking glasses are sterilized, but let his mind feed on filth.

7) Quarrel frequently in the presence of your children; this way they won't be shocked when the home is broken up later on.

8) Give the child all the spending money he wants. Never make him earn his own.

9) Satisfy his every craving for food, drink, and comfort. See that every sensual desire is gratified; hold back nothing.

10) Take his part against neighbours and officers of the law and teachers. They're all prejudiced against your child.

11) When he gets into trouble, apologize for yourself by saying, 'I never could do anything with that boy anyway.'

12) Prepare yourself for a life of grief; you will likely have it!

             In the face of this challenge of child rearing, scripture offers good news. Trusting God's provision guides us (as youth) to receive training and to spread our wings; (as parents) to give direction and be involved as necessary, and also to let go when the time comes. Faith in Jesus unlocks for us true blessing in our deepest being that gives us patience and courage when tests come - from parents or our offspring!

Binding/Preparing, Bringing/Bothering

The account of Abraham and Isaac in Genesis 22 shows someone taking initiative with their kid. The Lord tells Abraham to "Take" his son, "go" to a certain region, and "sacrifice him there" (22:2). The patriarch obeys: v9 says "He bound his son Isaac and laid him on the altar..." This father was not afraid to take responsibility for his son's upbringing and future, to be in charge for his benefit. This would be yet another in a long string of training and teaching experiences Abraham had arranged for his son. In v7 Isaac asks, "Where is the lamb for the burnt offering?" Isaac knew what sacrifices and worship were all about; his father had "taken him along to church" so to speak, he'd probably allowed his son to help with and watch previous sacrifices. Even more is suggested by the fact that in v9 Abraham "bound his son" without a struggle or protest. Isaac is not a child, but likely a big strapping teenager, because he could carry the big load of firewood on his back (v6). Yet surprisingly he didn't struggle; he could easily have resisted elderly Abe, who by this time was probably age 113+. But Isaac co-operated. Abraham must have taught his son on many previous occasions the value of obedience, fearing God and doing His will at all costs.

             Long before binding Isaac's hands and legs, his father had been verbally binding his son, in a supportive way not restrictively -- setting limits and disciplining so Isaac would be obedient and co-operative when the life-and-death test came. Each parent needs to give such guidance to bind our latent barbarianism. Dr Albert Siegel wrote, "When it comes to rearing children, every society is only 20 years away form barbarism. 20 years is all we have to accomplish the task of civilizing the infants who are born into our midst each year. These savages know nothing of our language, our culture, our religion, our values, our customs of interpersonal relations. The infant is totally ignorant about communism, fascism, democracy, civil liberties, the rights of the minority as contrasted with the prerogatives of the majority, respect, decency, customs, conventions, and manners. The barbarian must be tamed if civilization is to survive."

             When parents brought their child to have Jesus touch them in Mark 10, the disciples rebuked them (v13). As parents, the onus is on us to create an environment and learning opportunities by which kids can be introduced to Christ. The roadblock the disciples put up reflects the temptation we may feel to not bother with Christian training in our home. "Go away...leave me be." And so we neglect our parental duty to instill morals and inspire values. We try to dodge our duty through neglect. Robert Orben quipped, "I take my children everywhere, but they always find their way back home." (!) Like the disciples, our ego stonewalls access, as if we have prior commitments: "The Master can't be bothered now, He's planning his preaching schedule for the next 3 months...Or maybe He's stoking up on prayer power to deal with the next exorcism." But Jesus appeared from around a corner, and indignantly rebuked the disciples. He immediately called the families back and took the children in His arms. He chose to be "bothered" because He recognized the importance of the simple act of holding and blessing children, helping them feel loved and special.

             Besides the temptation to neglect training, not wanting to be bothered, there's also the temptation to be over-permissive, not wanting to confront. Chuck Swindoll writes, "Parents should sustain confrontation faithfully, diligently, habitually. I went to have my ear examined once and couldn't help overhear what was going on in the other room between the doctor and an emotional mother. She was saying, 'You've got to do something about this boy of mine.' And the doctor responded, 'What do you want me to do, ma'am? You're the mother. Now if you don't keep him out of the swimming pool, he will have constant ear infections.' She said, 'He's too big for me to handle. I can't keep him out of the pool. You have to help me with medicine or something that will take away the problem and the infection.'" Swindoll continues, "And I thought as I listened, Man, it's obvious who's in charge in that home. And I expected when they walked out of that room that this boy would be about 6'2", you know, 17-year-old boy. But he was a kindergartner. He was! He was little. And I thought, confrontation is missing, and it has been missing too long. That boy is controlling the home." One time the Duke of Windsor said, "The thing that impresses me most about America is the way parents obey their children."

Offering, Releasing, Trusting

There's a common expression about giving children "roots" and "wings" - good learning, but then letting them go as well. After Binding and Preparing comes the stage of Offering and Releasing. God commanded Abraham to sacrifice Isaac "as a burnt offering". So the father upon arriving at the spot "laid him on the altar" and "took the knife to slay his son" (22:2,9-10). After the angel interrupts him, God notes that "you have not withheld your son..." (22:16) The act of infant dedication recalls that our children aren't our own, they belong to God; we are entrusted with the care of them only for a short time. This formality symbolizes our offering of our children back into God's sovereign care, we release or relinquish them ultimately to His Lordship. This is an act of faith, a "letting-go" of our precious charge.

             Jesus said of the children, "The Kingdom of God belongs to such as these...Anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it." (Mk.10:14f) What is child-like faith? When a child calls out for something in the middle of the night, on what basis do they ask it? Is it because they are particularly deserving, or because they have earned whatever it is they're asking for? No, it has nothing to do with their own merit. They call out based on their faith in the parent's caring, goodness, and ability to provide. And the fact that there's a relationship - they are the parent of this child. Jesus is saying we enter God's Kingdom only by receiving it as a sheer gift, with child-like faith, because we ask, not because we've earned it.

             When I discuss the terminality of mortal life with people, I'm tired of hearing them say, "I've lived a good life." That may be the theory in other religions or organizations, but in Christianity, eternity with God is gained by faith, not works. Our best deeds would not merit even getting the door open, on account of the darkness of our hearts. But Jesus suffered and died to pay the price for our soul's clean-up. It's not earned, just something we can ask for as those little kids sought to meet the Master.

             Abraham laid his son on the altar and reached for the knife with faith. He was ready to send back to his Maker the boy on whom all God's promise depended. Abraham was prepared to give it all up, all he'd been waiting for the last 20 years. The letter to the Hebrews says that he "reasoned that God could raise the dead..." (Heb.11:19) Whatever way God was going to look after working out His plan, Abraham was prepared to do his part by releasing his son.

             He could have resisted; he could have tried to be protective of the Miracle Boy, born to Sarah at 90. But faith frees us to not be clingy. Parents are tempted to not let go; to be over-protective, catering to their wee lad or lass, sometimes with the result of spoiling them. Marriages can be undermined by the in-laws not letting go, calling on the phone every evening, demanding holidays be spent at their house, interfering with major decisions or criticizing the husband's or wife's judgment.

             There are many steps along the way in actually releasing our kids. It begins when you have to let them cry a little before they fall asleep. Then a few years later, you're running along holding them on the bicycle teaching them to ride, and there comes the point at which you let go - oh! - and they crash or continue upright. Faith is what you have to have at that moment you take your hands off and become totally powerless to change the outcome, totally dependent on other factors. Then there's driver training, teaching them to control an automobile themselves - maybe even with a standard transmission! Scary feeling - hang on to your door handle! Erma Bombeck advises, "Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth."

             Perhaps you've had second thoughts as a young man escorted your daughter to his car on a first date. That's release, too. (James Dobson asks if we've heard of the new wristwatch created exclusively for the anxious parents of teenagers -- after 11 pm it wrings its hands every 15 minutes!) Another big step for youth is choosing which college program to take, which career to pursue. So many unknowns, you have to pray a lot and then try. A father walking his daughter up the aisle and putting her hand in the groom's has a certain air of finality - hereafter you're powerless, totally dependent on the Lord to watch over the fledgling couple. Of course it's a much bigger step of trust for the young person themselves making that commitment; and they're simultaneously leaving or "releasing" you, the parent. God's Kingdom is entered by child-like faith, offering Him all that's most precious to us.

Blessing through Abraham's Seed: The Lord will Provide

Isaac's faith must have been strongly tested by this incident, too. He was clever and alert enough to notice something was missing as they neared the particular mountain in Moriah. "The fire and wood are here, but where is the lamb...?" (22:7) The scene wasn't complete.

             All through our lives, there's something missing in our spirit until we meet Jesus in a personal way. God has formed us with a special compartment in our heart (kind of like an empty chair) that can be filled only by a relationship with Him. People, both young and old, try to fill this gap by substituting other things -- friends, music, alcohol or drugs, amusements, children, work -- but none of these really fit. The chair is still empty. God has designed us for relationship with Himself, so it's only God's provision that truly fulfills.

             Through this time of testing, a time that threatened to take away what he held most dear, Abraham was given a glimpse into the Heavenly Father's eternal provision for humans, kind of a living allegory. It all foreshadows Jesus of Nazareth, about 20 centuries later! The words "your son, your only son, whom you love" sound like the words God spoke at Jesus' baptism in Mt.3(17). Where did it take place? 2Chronicles 3(1) identifies the Temple Mount in Jerusalem as Mount Moriah. Isaac carried a load of wood on his back up the hill and was bound, just as Jesus would carry a heavy wooden cross-beam up Skull Hill in the same place, before being bound with ropes and nails to it. And a ram became Isaac's substitute on the altar; Jesus took our place, became our substitute in offering to God the perfect sacrifice for our sins that we could not. Abraham called the place "Yahweh yireh", The Lord will Provide, which became a saying among his descendants down through the years: "On the mountain of the Lord it will be provided." That mountain is Calvary, where our Saviour died to make possible His Kingdom in our lives. God promised Abraham, "through your offspring [literally, seed] all nations on earth will be blessed..." That is, the One who bids us come with the faith of a little child and takes us in His arms to bless us. Have you responded to Him? Are you ready to dedicate your life to Him, offering Him all that's been dear to you, so you can really know Him and seat Him in your heart of hearts?

             We need to do that, and not delay. As God tested Abraham, so He tests each one of us, examining the motives of our hearts. The darkness we're capable of makes turning our lives over imperative, or the Destroyer will have his own way with us. Stephen Leacock, the Canadian humorist, observed: "The parent who could see his boy as he really is would shake his head and say, 'Willie is no good; I'll sell him.'"(!) Apart from God's redeeming touch, on our own we are all "no good". Abraham took his kid up the mountain loaded with kindling, but through faith received him back and kept him alive. Recently a Vancouver man, Jay Handel, admitted to burning the house down around his 6 children (ages 2-11) after his marriage broke up. What a horrible, awful, demonic thing to do! Such is the shock, the horror, the revulsion Abraham must have felt at being asked to kill his own son as a burnt offering following the customs of the Canaanites! But who knows how many of us might not be capable of Jay Handel's crime given similar circumstances? That's the depravity of our souls, the desperation of our alienation without Christ in our lives.

             Truth be told, we are born delinquent. The Minnesota Crime Commission (note this is not a church but a legal organization) reports: "Every baby starts life as a little savage. He is completely selfish and self-centred. He wants what he wants when he wants it - his bottle, his mother's attention, his playmate's toy, his uncle's watch. Deny him these wants, and he seethes with rage and aggressiveness, which would be murderous, were he not helpless. He is dirty. He has no morals, no knowledge, no skills. This means that all children, not just certain children, are born delinquent. If permitted to continue in the self-centred world of his infancy, given free reign to his impulsive actions to satisfy his wants, every child would grow up a criminal, a thief, a killer, a rapist."

             That's us! "There, but for the grace of God, go I." Let's repent and receive His Kingship, His fullness, that we too may bring blessing not woe. Let's pray.