"Recovering Original Roles:

Christ-centred Biblical Headship in the Home"

Eph.5:21-33; Gen.2:18-24 Nov.24, 2002

Duplo & DNA: One-flesh Complementarity

To fully understand what it means to be a man or a woman, we need to go back to the very beginning to find out what our Maker's intention was. So we read in Genesis (1:27), "...God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them." "Then the LORD God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man.The man said, "This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called ‘woman, ‘for she was taken out of man." For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh." (Genesis 2:22-24) Paul brings this into the New Testament when he writes to the Ephesians (5:29-32), "After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church— for we are members of his body.'For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.' This is a profound mystery— but I am talking about Christ and the church."

             God chose to create us with gender, we're not hermaphroditic. The fact that we are different, male and female, teaches us something deep about relationship and communion, even within the Godhead (Father-Son-Holy Spirit). Two things are not the same, but in coming together discover a wonderful wholeness or completeness that fulfills them and transcends their separate existence.

             Consider a couple of blocks of Duplo. Try to join them together by their flat sides and it won't work. They sit beside each other all right but they're not joined, they're not a unit. Instead you've got to turn them so their bumps and gaps line up in a corresponding fashion, they match up, their surface shapes are complementary so they interlock and behave as one.

             This aspect of being "complementary" is written right through us biologically from the sub-microscopic level on up. Our fundamental genetic information is written in code which makes up strands of DNA, the "double helix" (photo). The strands are joined together because pairs of bases in the chain attract each other: C goes with G, A with T. Think of one as the knob in one piece of duplo and the other as the corresponding gap: molecularly, they match. The textbook says, "Thus whatever sequence of bases is present on one strand of the DNA molecule, a complementary sequence is present on the other strand."

             Our cells make templates from the DNA strands called RNA, using the very same principle, except this time A matches with U not T. Then these mRNA strands fit together with tRNA bits (themselves little helixes) to which are attached unique amino acids, hanging off one end. Tiny ribosomes zip along the RNA strand forming chains of protein, all based on the code found in the RNA, kind of like the pull sliding along an interlocking zipper. Thus the very proteins your body builds for life are based on all this complementariness of the DNA/RNA code.

             And what about those proteins? Many will wind up as enzymes, complex molecules necessary for chemical reactions to take place in cells at body temperature. (diagram) The shape of the molecule is what gives it its catalytic effect: it's formed in such a way as to grab the substrate "just so", making it easier to break the material apart. Each enzyme has exactly just the right shape to perform the operation on that particular matching compound - they complement each other. Scientists call this the "lock and key" theory - but it reminds me a lot of Duplo! "Blocking" compounds fool the enzyme because they have almost the right complementary shape - but they won't come unstuck. (diagram) "Inhibitors" are a clever way God designed the body to have of using end-products to plug in to another socket on the enzyme to turn it "off" temporarily when not needed. Again, the inhibitor makes use of a complementary socket somewhere on the enzyme.

             Each of our normal human cells has 46 chromosomes, 23 "sets" of 4 strands each joined in homologous pairs. (photos) They look like sets of Xs. Neat when they're all lined up, huh? In each set, one X came from your mother and the other from your father. Again, they match up, they're complementary sets; corresponding but not identical.

             Zoom out to look at the whole organism and there are obvious matching differences in the anatomy of men and women. Our bodies are different but again there's a complementariness, a wonder of being "meant-for-each-other".

             In Genesis 1 creation is pronounced to be "good" and "very good". But in the process, in Gen.2:18 God notes something that is NOT good: "It is not good for the man to be alone.I will make a helper suitable for him." A helper fit or "meet" or corresponding to his need. What follows is an interesting parade where the Lord brings each animal to Adam to be named according to its unique characteristics. Perhaps through this process a light started to go on in Adam that there was no "mate" or match for him. Verse 20 concludes, "But for Adam no suitable helper was found." So God put Adam under the anesthetic and performed the first surgery, taking a rib from his side and making a new creature, a woman from it. When Adam woke up God brought her to him and he exclaims in poetry how she complements him (2:23): "This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called ‘woman,' for she was taken out of man." It's a match, a perfect fit! She's just right for me! She completes me! Wow, thank you Lord!

             Verse 24 concludes, "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh." Behind this uniting, one-fleshing is the idea of two different beings joining in a perfectly complementary way as if somehow they were designed for each other right from the start. They mysteriously complete each other, bring a sense of wholeness and fulfillment, together they create an entity that's greater than when each was alone. The not-goodness of Adam's former aloneness is replaced by a blessed discovery of a suitable helper. Vive la difference!

             In Ephesians 5 the apostle Paul quotes this very verse from Genesis to suggest that human marriage is itself a reflection of a greater mystery (32): "...This is a profound mystery -- but I am talking about Christ and the church." In other words, there is a fundamental relationship going on into eternity of which human marriage is a mere reflection. The marriage of Jesus and His bride the church will be a communion, a oneness, a joyful relationship of which marriage is a distant echo when at its best. Christ is clearly Lord and Saviour, not us: yet somehow believers are privileged to share in His body, be His Temple, receive His Spirit working in and through us in loving co-operation. In Him, we feel like we've come home, we've really belonged all along. He complements and fulfills us at our deepest level.

             Today's message on manhood and womanhood can be beneficial to you whether you're married or single, which are both God's gifts. John Piper explains in the foreword to the book Recovering Biblical Manhood and Womanhood that the subject is relevant to singles as well as marrieds. "The question every man and woman should ask earnestly is this: “What does it mean to be a woman and not a man?” Or: “What does it mean to be a man and not a woman? What is my masculine or feminine personhood (not just anatomy and physiology)?” We are persuaded from Scripture that masculinity and femininity are rooted in who we are by nature. They are not simply reflexes of a marriage relationship. Man does not become man by getting married. Woman does not become woman by getting married. But it is clear that the form that a man’s leadership, provision, and protection take varies with the kind of relationship a man has with a woman -- from the most intimate relationship of marriage to the most casual relationship with a stranger on the street. And the form that a woman’s affirmation of that leadership takes will also vary according to the relationship. Mature femininity does not express itself in the same way toward every man. A mature woman who is not married, for example, does not welcome the same kind of strength and leadership from other men that she would welcome from her husband. But she will affirm the strength and leadership of men in some form in all her relationships with worthy men." So understanding Biblical gender roles is important whether you're married or single.

Caveat: What Christ-centred Biblical Headship is NOT

Gender roles is a weighty topic, so let's proceed carefully. First let's raise a couple of cautions about what Christian "headship" is NOT, lest we be misunderstood. Headship is NOT superiority. It does not mean men are better than women. Ephesians 5:21 precedes the husband-wife discussion by insisting: "Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ." Jesus is Lord of all, men and women alike; that role is not to be usurped by any husband seeking sinfully to domineer his wife. We are each accountable finally to the Lord. Christ is the head of the church, Paul reminds us in 5:23. "Jesus is Lord" was the basic Christian confession under the Spirit's impetus (Rom.10:9, 1Cor.12:3). Following death and resurrection, Jesus then announced, "All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me." (Matthew 28:18) No one else. "Every tongue [will] confess that Jesus Christ is Lord" (Philippians 2:11) - an honour conferred by the Father after Jesus put off all heavenly privilege and became a servant, obedient to death, so we might be forgiven.

             Becoming a Christian strips away any pretense or purely social status due to gender, race, or class, as Gal.3(26-29) says: "You are all sons of God through faith in Christ Jesus, for all of you who were baptized into Christ have clothed yourselves with Christ.There is neither Jew nor Greek, slave nor free, male nor female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus.If you belong to Christ, then you are Abraham’s seed, and heirs according to the promise." With regard to being "sons of God", "heirs" of the promise of the Spirit and eternal life, all qualify through repentance and trusting in Jesus.

             Larry Christenson in The Christian Family quotes 19th century German Lutheran pastor and professor of theology Dr Heinrich Thiersch: "In their relation to God as His children, in spiritual communion with Christ, in the possession of the Holy Ghost - in all these relations to God, and to the higher world - men and women stand on equal footing." Being male or female, and marital roles, are a temporary condition in this earthbound existence; Jesus taught that in heaven, people are not married, but like the angels (Mt.22:30).

             Christ-centred Headship is NOT superiority. Also, it is NOT "lording it over" or domination. Jesus contrasted the servant style of leadership in His Kingdom with the iron-fist approach of earthly kings in Mt.20(25-28): "You know that the rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and their high officials exercise authority over them.Not so with you.Instead, whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be first must be your slave— just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many." Want to be great? would you be first? Jesus asks...then are you willing to become a servant, a slave? For Jesus Himself came to serve not BE served, to give his life as a ransom. That's His style of headship.

             A poem by Robbie Burns protests:

"Husband, husband, cease your strife,

No longer idly rave, sir;

Though I am your wedded wife,

Yet I am not your slave, sir!"

What Christ-centred Biblical Headship IS in the Home

God's intention for domestic order

Biblical Headship is God's intention for domestic order and accountability. It's not a marginal teaching but well-established Scripturally, with its foundation in the account of Creation. Eph.5:23 says "the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church..." Paul points out in 1Cor.11:3, "Now I want you to realize that the head of every man is Christ, and the head of the woman is man, and the head of Christ is God." His rationale? Verses 8-9 state, "For man did not come from woman, but woman from man; neither was man created for woman, but woman for man." 1Tim.2(11,13) teaches that women should learn in quietness and full submission "for Adam was formed first, then Eve."

             Note that Paul's logic is not based on the story of the Fall, but on the original Creation of the first couple. Along with Jesus and the early church, he treats the earliest chapters of Genesis as historical, not myth. Our beginning was significant, and recorded as such. The order in Genesis, as we have seen, was that woman's origin followed man's as a "helper suitable" for him, a complement different from him not identical to him. In Genesis, man is the one who's supposed to take the initiative and be primarily accountable. It is man who leaves father and mother to be joined to his wife (2:24). In chapter 3, Satan tempts the woman, seeking to reverse the pattern of leadership, persuading and deceiving her into becoming the initiator (though 3:6 points out that Adam was with her - shirking his responsibility? asleep at the switch?). And who gets called up on the carpet when the Lord comes for a visit? 3:9 says, "the LORD God called to the man, 'Where are you?'" V.11, "Have you eaten from the tree that I commanded you not to eat from?" It is Adam of whom the Lord requires an answer - much as Adam would like to pin the blame on Eve, "the woman you put here with me"! V.13 "Then the Lord God said to the woman..." - secondarily, after confronting Adam. God notes after announcing Eve's punishment of pain in childbirth, "Your desire will be for [to have your way with?] your husband, and [but?] he will rule over you." Compare the grammatically parallel advice of God to Cain in 4:7, "...sin is crouching at your door; it desires to have you, but you must master it." God cautions Eve not to try to usurp the man's role, but respect his responsibility to provide leadership. In 3:17 Adam is punished because he yielded to his wife's misguided suggestion rather than obeying God's clear command. So Scripture teaches that it's the man who bears the ultimate burden of responsibility for what happens in the home. He is the one who will answer to God. Here, headship is not about privilege but about responsibility and accountability. At judgment it's primarily the man who will find himself in the spotlight.

Protection

Christ-centred headship is about Protection. Eph.5(25) says husbands are to take their cue from Christ who gave Himself up for (in place of) the church; Jesus took the brunt of the attack for our shortcomings, our guilt. In v.29 husbands are to love their wives as one feeds and cares for one's own body. When we get a sliver, we look for the tweezers to remove it. When it's cold outside, we put a coat on so we won't get sick. Husbands should just as automatically find ways to protect and look after their wives.

             Jesus modeled this protection for His disciples during His earthly ministry. At the arrest in Jn.18(8) He told the guards, "If you are looking for me, then let these men go." In His final prayer in John 17(9,11f,15), He said, "I pray for them...Holy Father, protect them by the power of Your name...While I was with them, I protected them and kept them safe by that name You gave me...My prayer is...that You protect them from the evil one." Jesus knew He'd be dead within hours, yet here His uppermost concern is the protection of His little flock. In Jn.10(11,15,17f) He spoke of Himself as the gate for the sheep, and the good shepherd who lays down His life for the flock, protecting it from thieves and wolves. In Lk.13(34) He moaned, "O Jerusalem, Jerusalem,...how often I have longed to gather your children together, as a hen gathers her chicks under her wings, but you were not willing!" That's a beautiful picture of protection, echoed in the Psalms (57:1; 61:4) and Deut.32(11) - God's protection of the Israelites is "like an eagle that stirs up its nest and hovers over its young, that spreads its wings to catch them and carries them on its pinions." Husbands are to "cherish" their wives as their bodies in Eph.5:29: the Greek verb means "keeping warm" and "fostering with tender care", as a bird shelters its brood with its wings.

             In the Basic Youth Conflicts seminar, Bill Gothard used the image of an umbrella to depict a father's protective care for those in his household. Husbands, fathers, a big part of our duty is to protect. Larry Christenson recalls an incident from his childhood: "I had argued over something with my mother. As she left the room I shouted after her, "You're a big dummy!" My father had come into the room a few moments earlier. His arm shot out, caught me by the shirt front, and lifted me right off the floor. "Who's a dummy?" he demanded. Scared stiff I blubbered, "I'm a dummy, I'm a dummy, I'm a dummy!" My older brother burst out laughing, and my father could scarcely suppress a smile. My desperate retreat into self-recrimination salted the situation with enough humour to save me from a spanking. But I never forgot the lesson of that day: If I abused my mother, I would incur the wrath of my father."

Provision

Husbands are also to play a major role in providing for the family. In Gen.2:15 God places Adam in the garden to work it and take care of it. The punishment in 3:17 corresponds to this role: Adam's agricultural enterprise will be frustrated by the ground's production of weeds; while Eve's punishment corresponds to her principal role of childbearing, which will be accompanied by pain. The expression in Eph.5:29 of "feed and care for" applies to the man's obligation toward his wife just as to his own body. 1Tim.5:8 warns that if we don't provide for our relatives, and especially our immediate family, we've denied the faith! It is true that the "noble wife" of Proverbs 31 helps out with family income, but even there it's obvious her primary focus is affairs within the household.

Loving Leadership

If the husband is the head of the wife, what does a head do? Our heads gather information through the senses, plan a course of action, and send out signals to other parts of the body. So being a "head" involves leadership, charting a course, providing direction to others. We're to carry out this headship "as Christ is the head of the church." How did Christ lead the disciples? Mark 2(35) records a time when Jesus got up while it was still dark and went out to pray, receiving direction to move on to other villages. Lk.6(12) mentions that before choosing the disciples, Jesus spent the whole night in prayer. So if we want to provide Godly leadership, men, we need to make prayer our practice, our first response not our last resort. In Jn.13(14f) Jesus gives a powerful lesson by stripping down to work clothes then washing the disciples' grubby feet. He says, "Now that I, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also should wash one another’s feet.I have set you an example that you should do as I have done for you." He led by example - even in the unpleasant tasks.

             The fact that the leadership is loving and sacrificial in nature makes it easier to follow. Paul tells the Ephesians (5:22,24), "Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord...Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything." To the Colossians (3:18) he wrote, "Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting [or "right"] in the Lord." Titus 2:5 advises wives "to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God." And this is not just a "Paul" thing. The apostle Peter as well suggests how married women can discover true beauty: "Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives...For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to make themselves beautiful.They were submissive to their own husbands, like Sarah, who obeyed Abraham and called him her master." (1Pet.3:1,5f) Better than oil of Olay - try instead to obey! Of course, that does not mean having to do something sinful if your husband gets ungodly ideas. Husbands are clearly expected to lead in a righteous and loving direction; God Himself stepped in and started putting roadblocks in the way when Abraham tried to pretend Sarah was only his sister (Gen.12:13; 20:2).

             Submitting becomes easier when we remember God provides checks and balances because of our tendency to sin: there is no excuse for abuse - Christ is the head of the man and will hold him accountable (1Cor.11:3). Our task as husbands is to bring our wives to glory in Christ, we have them "on loan" for a short while to give them beauty treatments like Hegai preparing Esther for introduction to the King (Esther 2:3). John Piper comments, "a husband is not preparing a bride merely for himself but for another, namely Christ.He does not merely act as Christ, but also for Christ.At this point he must not be Christ [ie Lord] to his wife lest he be a traitor to Christ.Standing in the place of Christ must include a renunciation of the temptation to be Christ.And that means leading his wife forward to depend not on him but on Christ.And practically, that rules out belittling supervision and fastidious oversight.She also stands or falls before her own master, Jesus Christ."

             Paul goes to greater lengths explaining to the men how to lead their wives in a loving way than he does emphasizing submission for the women. "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her..." (Ephesians 5:25) This is a cross-shaped, giving-up-self love. Guys, if it starts to become a power trip and goes to your head, remember "skull hill" (Golgotha) is our pattern. Total self-sacrifice for the sake of the beloved. Flip back to the closing verses of Ephesians 4 and start of chapter 5: "Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.Be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly loved children and live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God." (Ephesians 4:32-5:2) That style of leadership is not so hard to fall in line with, to submit to. Paul tells the Colossian hubbies, "love your wives, do not be harsh with them." (Col.3:19) I like how Peter puts it (1Pet.3:7): "...be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers." The Greek word gives the sense of "joint-heirs", "fellow-heirs" (Rom.8:17); commentator Robertson notes, "God's gift of life eternal belongs to woman as well as to man.In the eyes of God the wife may be superior to the husband, not merely equal." And note the warning "so that nothing will hinder your prayers": as if the Lord were saying, "Mess with my girl, buddy, and you'll have to deal with Me." If a husband starts to treat his wife inconsiderately or with contempt, God may turn away from him, blocking him spiritually. Christ-centred Biblical headship is not about authoritarian domination but providing cherishing protection and loving leadership.

Truck Drivers and Ballet Artists

Is the search to recover original gender roles "politically correct"? Probably not; there's a kingdom-clash. The Deceiver/Destroyer wants to isolate us by robbing us of complementary uniqueness, making us like the straight non-meshing sides of the Duplo. But the journey to recover God's intention for manhood and womanhood is healthily counter-cultural, revolutionary, and helps us understand and appreciate who God created us to be in this life.

             To sum up: John Piper says, "The point is that, married or single, your manhood or your womanhood matters. You dishonor yourself and your Maker if you disregard this profound dimension of your personhood. Our culture is pressing us on almost every side to discount this reality and think of ourselves and each other merely in terms of a set of impersonal competencies and gender-blind personality traits. It has the appearance of promoting justice. But the failure to take into account the profound and complementary differences of masculine and feminine personhood is like assigning a truck driver the task of writing the choreography for two ballet artists."

             He adds: "Over the years I have come to see from Scripture and from life that manhood and womanhood are the beautiful handiwork of a good and loving God. He designed our differences and they are profound. They are not mere physiological prerequisites for sexual union. They go to the root of our personhood." Let's pray.